We are able to maintain painful emotional patterns for so long because of our tendency to project. Anytime we have an issue, complaint or persistent pattern in our life, there is an aspect of it that we are consciously involved in and aspects that are unconscious. The conscious aspect will strategize and try to do better by making different choices. The part of us that is aware of our part will try and do better. That part may even analyze the situation and stretch what we truly are capable of taking responsibility for. 

This kind of effort creates resistance and frustration, not transformation. 

As far as your conscious efforts go you are probably already doing your best. Beating yourself up to try and do better isn’t going to help. 

Oftentimes the strategies that come from this place are built on false premises and powerful emotional energy working against you. Look at the unconscious aspects of the issue or look at yourself. What game is being played by your own energy under your own nose? 

One of the best ways to track our inner world is to watch our emotions about our outer world. When we have strong reactions, like anger, fear, avoidance, turn on, jealousy, these are like flags waving you to the buried treasure. Look there. That strong reaction means that there is energy in your body about the subject. That energy is like an investment. It’s your body telling you that you are invested in this topic. That is your unconscious aspect calling things back into your life that you don’t want or need. 

Even strong negative emotions, emotions that feel like you are saying no to something build a strong relationship with the pattern you are trying to avoid. Strong emotions create bonds. When you have a strong emotion against something you are bonding to it. 

Now why? Why are you bonding to this thing? 

Anything and everything that occurs to your emotional system as important gets internalized. That means you make a little copy of it out of your own psyche. This lets you continue learning about it, develop strategies for it. It helps you to cope with its existence in the world. 

If you think back on some of the more emotionally significant moments in your life and consider that you may have continued to react to those moments long after they passed, or you have replayed them in your mind. You have the capacity to replay and keep reacting because your mind has created a copy to react to. 

This means that those parts of your life and those people are now a part of you. Resist all you want. Strategize all you want but ultimately it is you that are strategizing and resisting. There is only one way through. You have to accept this part of yourself. Welcome it with open arms. Let it expand your wisdom, your compassion and let yourself become more. 

When we are scared of parts of ourselves we have less power over them. They go rogue choosing our partners and our careers without our awareness and this is how we find ourselves in the same patterns over and over again. When we accept them, they become part of a balanced ecosystem, the once isolated part becomes a drop in the whole. Those energies mature and find balance in the ever expanding person that you are. 

When we resist these parts or aspects of ourselves we will often conjure people in our lives that represent them. This enables us to have the practiced reactions but feel like we are reacting to something real. If there is an internal parental figure that makes us feel terrible, this is something we can’t get away from. If we can project that aspect of our own identity on an employer or lover then we are justified in feeling terrible. They made us feel terrible and we can walk away, temporarily experiencing the relief of having escaped the pattern.

Projection is actually a way that we hide ourselves in other people.

Find the courage to own and accept that all of the characters, circumstances, qualities of life and energies that are important to us are in us. Whether the character is one that you despise or wish you were more like, it is in you. That is incredible power. It is the power to be anything that you think has power over you or your life. You can be that powerful one and use that energy consciously disrupting whatever it is that you had going and creating yourself and your life to your liking.

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